Fic Commentary: The Girl From Mars
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magicallawRequested by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ionlylurkhere...
After A2A 1x6 first aired, you know, the one where Alex thinks she's dying and she's in the giant fridge and there's the carrying and the 'Oooooooooooohhhh, Vienna' (trust me, it's more awesome than what I make it out to be). Anyway, after that, I so wanted to write Alex!fic because I had fallen for her BIG TIME. Alex/Gene was sort of out of the question because Gene is a, well, word that rhymes with his surname to write. So, I took a jump and landed in my safety net: Martha Jones. Plus, there had been plenty of Who/LoM crossovers so I also thought it would be nice to be First (I pretty sure I can claim First In for Handy/alt!Martha as well, and after reading some of the fics that have followed I often wonder what sort of monster I created - but that's not for now). Anyway, on to the fic...
“I got shot. That’s why I’m here.”
“So did I.” She remembers, back in the Wild West, even though the Doctor took it back. She remembers the bullet ripping through her flesh, her life force draining away.
I am always, always opening fics with dialogue. I think it comes from journalism college: grab the attention of you're reader straight away. I hope that works here. Plus, also, book spoilers! I thought it was important to get a common ground for these two, despite the whole travelling in time thing, so having that in common worked. Plus, you don't really need to have read the book to get it.
“Is that why you’re here? With me.”
“I’m not with you,” Martha said.
“That man you were with just now. You’re with him?”
“He’s why I’m here, yes.”
Heavy emphasis on 'why' in that last line. She's not there with the Doctor, she's there because of him. I hope that gets the message across that this so isn't about the Doctor.
“Do you want to be here?”
“I’m not sure how I can leave.” There’s a big blue box waiting down the street with a man called the Doctor in it. He can take her home, and she knows he will if she asks him to.
But she can’t. Not yet.
OK, I sort of fail there with that last line, but I tried really, really hard.
“The goal posts keep changing, don’t they?” she laughs. Not to herself, and certainly not to Martha. She’s just laughing. “Thing is,” she stops, “I know how this works, Martha. I know.” She taps her temple and sits back in her chair. “And it’s like, it’s like it’s harder for me than it was for him, you know.” She sips her wine and leans forward again. She’s forgotten how self-satisfied she was at her previous statement. “And that’s the part I can’t figure out, because I’m the one that’s doing this. It’s my subconscious.” She takes another sip. “Did you know that, Martha? My subconscious. That’s why you’re here.” Martha feels as though she should leave, but she can’t walk away, especially when she hears Alex say, “You’re from 2008 and now you’re here, bold as brass in your Topshop t-shirt.”
I was very pleased with this chunk of dialogue from Alex, the constant half-drunken flowing of words. Man I love a woman who can drink. ANYWAY, this part was difficult because I didn't want to give too much away, what with it being timey-wimey (ish). There's probably not enough surprise from Alex upon seeing Martha in 1981 but then I really like the subtle mentions of Martha's name, then I couldn't have used the 'I never told her my name' line and then the fic title would never work. So there, that's me explaining myself. ;)
“I should go.” Martha’s first thought was to find the Doctor. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, her feet weren’t functioning. She doesn't move.
“Why are you here, Martha? Really?”
“I’m just visiting.”
“Take me with you.”
“What?”
“Take me home, Martha.” Alex grabs Martha’s arms, and her eyes are pleading with her to listen. Martha breaks free and steps away.
“Yeah, I’m going now,” she says, and she knows she should go back because she can hear this woman crying.
I think Alex sounds a little too desperate there. Yeah, she wants to get home, but still. I think I just needed something to make Martha walk away.
A bottle of wine has followed them upstairs, and when Alex goes downstairs to fetch another one, Martha knows it’s time she should leave.
“I think you should stay.” Alex is all smiles and stumbles. Too much wine and excitement, she thinks to herself.
“My friend – ”
“He won’t mind. You know that, Martha.” And she does. But she tells Alex not to go downstairs because, well, there’s no need. Not really.
The 'no need. Not really.' is not because Martha's decided she's staying the night already, but because she's comfortable in Alex's company and they don't really need more to drink.
Ok,” she whispers. “I’ll stay if you stay.” Martha’s hair is shorter now, but still nice to touch. She tucks it behind her ear for her and shifts on the sofa.
“I’ve never – ”
“Oh,” Alex interrupts her, “yes you have.” And Martha’s confused now, because when they kiss, she believes her.
CHEESE.
Alex apologises for the ‘ghastly sheets’, as she puts it, but Martha’s already on top of them and her Topshop t-shirt is on the floor with the rest of her clothes. “I want you to kiss me again,” she says. It’s like remembering something she never knew existed. She’s not sure she has the strength to break free, but she must, she tells herself, as there is so much more of this beautiful body to explore.
I refer you to my previous comment. Man, I suck at writing the seckins.
When she eventually lets go, she works her way down Alex’s body and pulls her jeans off. “I bet you never thought you’d see me in white jeans,” Alex chuckles. Of course, Martha can’t respond, and Alex refuses to believe she doesn’t know her. She refuses to believe that she’s here for anything else other than her.
I think this goes back to the lack of surprise from Alex when she first sees her. There's such a big part of her that wants to believe that she's there and there for her. If nothing else, it's a link to home for her.
When Martha goes to speak, Alex stops her. She knows she probably won’t like what she hears.
EMO! Eep.
She pulls Martha towards her and rolls them over so she is on top of her lover. “Please don’t. Please just let me have this one night. I’ve a horrible feeling you won’t be here in the morning.”
But she was. And they make love again for the third time.
The fact that I'm useless at writing porn is on show for all to see hear. It's not so much that it lacks content, the line lacks creativity and I'm not too fond of it.
“You’re still here,” Alex breathes once Martha has finished stroking her. Their afterglow is broken by the shrill sound of Martha’s mobile phone. “I guess it means you’re leaving now.” And she didn’t really have to ask that question, as Martha was already out of the bed and getting dressed. “I understand.”
“So do I.” She makes a mental note of another reason to come home. To leave him. A reason that lingers fairly near the top of the list.
This wasn't supposed to be as mulchy as it sounds. Martha understands that time isn't necessarily linear - so I guess it's set post-Blink. If she doesn't go home and meet Alex in 2008 she would never have been here with her in 1981.
+++
“I got shot.”
“Is that why you’re here? To report a crime.”
“No,” Martha says. “I’m here with you.” This was 2008, but two women kissing outside a police station still caused a tiny stir.
She pushed a folded piece of paper into Alex’s pocket.
“Who was that?” a colleague asked.
“I don’t know.” Alex opened the piece of paper and read what she assumed was the girl’s phone number. “She never told me her name.”
The majority of my fics have a line or a moment that takes place somewhere near the beginning and then again at the end. This is because the ending of anything is always the hardest thing for me to write. I need a nice tied bow to finish things off and I'm rather pleased with this one. I'm always so satisfied when I manage to finish a fic in one day, and that's what happened here. Writing that last line, or last paragraph, is always a great feeling, and it's even nicer when it took you about two hours to finish and post. Yeah, overall, gotta say, I'm happy with this one - it's definitely a keeper.
Oh man, I hope you don't think I sound like an arse as much as I do. Up next is 'You've Got To Be Kidding Me' and you can't possibly sound like an arse when chatting about such utter crack as that.
ionlylurkhere...After A2A 1x6 first aired, you know, the one where Alex thinks she's dying and she's in the giant fridge and there's the carrying and the 'Oooooooooooohhhh, Vienna' (trust me, it's more awesome than what I make it out to be). Anyway, after that, I so wanted to write Alex!fic because I had fallen for her BIG TIME. Alex/Gene was sort of out of the question because Gene is a, well, word that rhymes with his surname to write. So, I took a jump and landed in my safety net: Martha Jones. Plus, there had been plenty of Who/LoM crossovers so I also thought it would be nice to be First (I pretty sure I can claim First In for Handy/alt!Martha as well, and after reading some of the fics that have followed I often wonder what sort of monster I created - but that's not for now). Anyway, on to the fic...
“I got shot. That’s why I’m here.”
“So did I.” She remembers, back in the Wild West, even though the Doctor took it back. She remembers the bullet ripping through her flesh, her life force draining away.
I am always, always opening fics with dialogue. I think it comes from journalism college: grab the attention of you're reader straight away. I hope that works here. Plus, also, book spoilers! I thought it was important to get a common ground for these two, despite the whole travelling in time thing, so having that in common worked. Plus, you don't really need to have read the book to get it.
“Is that why you’re here? With me.”
“I’m not with you,” Martha said.
“That man you were with just now. You’re with him?”
“He’s why I’m here, yes.”
Heavy emphasis on 'why' in that last line. She's not there with the Doctor, she's there because of him. I hope that gets the message across that this so isn't about the Doctor.
“Do you want to be here?”
“I’m not sure how I can leave.” There’s a big blue box waiting down the street with a man called the Doctor in it. He can take her home, and she knows he will if she asks him to.
But she can’t. Not yet.
OK, I sort of fail there with that last line, but I tried really, really hard.
“The goal posts keep changing, don’t they?” she laughs. Not to herself, and certainly not to Martha. She’s just laughing. “Thing is,” she stops, “I know how this works, Martha. I know.” She taps her temple and sits back in her chair. “And it’s like, it’s like it’s harder for me than it was for him, you know.” She sips her wine and leans forward again. She’s forgotten how self-satisfied she was at her previous statement. “And that’s the part I can’t figure out, because I’m the one that’s doing this. It’s my subconscious.” She takes another sip. “Did you know that, Martha? My subconscious. That’s why you’re here.” Martha feels as though she should leave, but she can’t walk away, especially when she hears Alex say, “You’re from 2008 and now you’re here, bold as brass in your Topshop t-shirt.”
I was very pleased with this chunk of dialogue from Alex, the constant half-drunken flowing of words. Man I love a woman who can drink. ANYWAY, this part was difficult because I didn't want to give too much away, what with it being timey-wimey (ish). There's probably not enough surprise from Alex upon seeing Martha in 1981 but then I really like the subtle mentions of Martha's name, then I couldn't have used the 'I never told her my name' line and then the fic title would never work. So there, that's me explaining myself. ;)
“I should go.” Martha’s first thought was to find the Doctor. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, her feet weren’t functioning. She doesn't move.
“Why are you here, Martha? Really?”
“I’m just visiting.”
“Take me with you.”
“What?”
“Take me home, Martha.” Alex grabs Martha’s arms, and her eyes are pleading with her to listen. Martha breaks free and steps away.
“Yeah, I’m going now,” she says, and she knows she should go back because she can hear this woman crying.
I think Alex sounds a little too desperate there. Yeah, she wants to get home, but still. I think I just needed something to make Martha walk away.
A bottle of wine has followed them upstairs, and when Alex goes downstairs to fetch another one, Martha knows it’s time she should leave.
“I think you should stay.” Alex is all smiles and stumbles. Too much wine and excitement, she thinks to herself.
“My friend – ”
“He won’t mind. You know that, Martha.” And she does. But she tells Alex not to go downstairs because, well, there’s no need. Not really.
The 'no need. Not really.' is not because Martha's decided she's staying the night already, but because she's comfortable in Alex's company and they don't really need more to drink.
Ok,” she whispers. “I’ll stay if you stay.” Martha’s hair is shorter now, but still nice to touch. She tucks it behind her ear for her and shifts on the sofa.
“I’ve never – ”
“Oh,” Alex interrupts her, “yes you have.” And Martha’s confused now, because when they kiss, she believes her.
CHEESE.
Alex apologises for the ‘ghastly sheets’, as she puts it, but Martha’s already on top of them and her Topshop t-shirt is on the floor with the rest of her clothes. “I want you to kiss me again,” she says. It’s like remembering something she never knew existed. She’s not sure she has the strength to break free, but she must, she tells herself, as there is so much more of this beautiful body to explore.
I refer you to my previous comment. Man, I suck at writing the seckins.
When she eventually lets go, she works her way down Alex’s body and pulls her jeans off. “I bet you never thought you’d see me in white jeans,” Alex chuckles. Of course, Martha can’t respond, and Alex refuses to believe she doesn’t know her. She refuses to believe that she’s here for anything else other than her.
I think this goes back to the lack of surprise from Alex when she first sees her. There's such a big part of her that wants to believe that she's there and there for her. If nothing else, it's a link to home for her.
When Martha goes to speak, Alex stops her. She knows she probably won’t like what she hears.
EMO! Eep.
She pulls Martha towards her and rolls them over so she is on top of her lover. “Please don’t. Please just let me have this one night. I’ve a horrible feeling you won’t be here in the morning.”
But she was. And they make love again for the third time.
The fact that I'm useless at writing porn is on show for all to see hear. It's not so much that it lacks content, the line lacks creativity and I'm not too fond of it.
“You’re still here,” Alex breathes once Martha has finished stroking her. Their afterglow is broken by the shrill sound of Martha’s mobile phone. “I guess it means you’re leaving now.” And she didn’t really have to ask that question, as Martha was already out of the bed and getting dressed. “I understand.”
“So do I.” She makes a mental note of another reason to come home. To leave him. A reason that lingers fairly near the top of the list.
This wasn't supposed to be as mulchy as it sounds. Martha understands that time isn't necessarily linear - so I guess it's set post-Blink. If she doesn't go home and meet Alex in 2008 she would never have been here with her in 1981.
“I got shot.”
“Is that why you’re here? To report a crime.”
“No,” Martha says. “I’m here with you.” This was 2008, but two women kissing outside a police station still caused a tiny stir.
She pushed a folded piece of paper into Alex’s pocket.
“Who was that?” a colleague asked.
“I don’t know.” Alex opened the piece of paper and read what she assumed was the girl’s phone number. “She never told me her name.”
The majority of my fics have a line or a moment that takes place somewhere near the beginning and then again at the end. This is because the ending of anything is always the hardest thing for me to write. I need a nice tied bow to finish things off and I'm rather pleased with this one. I'm always so satisfied when I manage to finish a fic in one day, and that's what happened here. Writing that last line, or last paragraph, is always a great feeling, and it's even nicer when it took you about two hours to finish and post. Yeah, overall, gotta say, I'm happy with this one - it's definitely a keeper.
Oh man, I hope you don't think I sound like an arse as much as I do. Up next is 'You've Got To Be Kidding Me' and you can't possibly sound like an arse when chatting about such utter crack as that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-06 11:29 am (UTC)I really like that line that you called CHEESE. So there.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-06 08:57 pm (UTC)